Take The Test: NOW NA!

Hindi na ako nakakapagsulat ng blog. Dahil na din siguro sa dami ng pinagkakaabalahan ko sa buhay. Hindi ko din alam bakit bigla ako nasagap sa mga kung ano-anong uri ng advocacy. Pero sabi nga nila mabuti daw ito sa kaluluwa. Hindi naman siguro ito penetensiya sa mga kalokohan ko nung bata bata pa ako. Pero ginusto ko na din na tumulong dahil na din sa ginusto ko ng pagbabago.

Maraming nagrereklamo pero wala namang ginagawa. Maraming nasusuya pero tumatalikod lang sa pagtulong. Maraming naasar pero wala namang sinasabi. Ako --- isa akong nuknukan ng daldal na tao. Gusto kong naririnig ang mga opinion ko sa buhay. Gusto ko ang bawat salitang binibigkas ko ay may kabuluhan. Ayaw ko ng non-sense. Ayaw ko ng walang kwenta. Ayaw ko sa pagkikibit balikat sa mga bagay-bagay na dapat kaya mong gawan ng paraan. --- gawan ng pagbabago. Isa lang akong simpleng tao na gustong makatulong. Nagsisikap para magkaroon ng marka sa mundo bago man lang ako kunin ng May Kapal. Hindi rin naman ako santo, hindi ako banal at lalong hindi ako dakila. Ako katulad mo lang din, taong nadadapa, nasasaktan at naririndi. Pero siguro ang pagkakaiba natin, pagnadapa ako, marunong ako bumangon; pag nasaktan ako, marunong akong maghilom; pagnarindi ako, marunong akong umalma sa mali.

Totoo nga atang maswerte ako ngayong Year of the Water Dragon. Parang kaibigan ko nga talaga siya. Biruin mo, may matino akong trabaho, maayos ang pamilya ko kahit paminsan-minsan may asaran, may nagmamahal sa akin ng lubos at sadyang mahal ko din naman, nakakatulong ako sa kapwa, may panahon magpahinga, magsarili at napagkakasya naman ang mga gastusin sa araw-araw. Marahil ang pag tulong ko ngayon at isang uri na din ng pasasalamat ko sa mga biyayang binibigay sa akin. Aba, marapat lang din naman ako magpasalamat. Hindi sa lahat ng pagkakataon masasabi kong masaya ako. Kuntento sa mga bagay-bagay sa buhay ko. Sana magtuloy-tuloy.

Eto ang recent project ko matapos ang Solace, Yoga for Life, Family for Keeps ay Take The Test naman. Nung isang taon kasi, naging peer educator ako. Isang seminar na inattendanan ko para makapagturo tungkol sa katotohanan ng HIV/AIDS. Dami ko na kasing kaibigan na nagkakasakit. Nakakatakot, nakakalungkot at nakakaasar kaya naisipan ko na pasukin ito. Biruin mo, kada 3 oras, may isang nahahawaan ng HIV sa Pilipinas. Naknangputcha! Ikaw ba hindi ma-aalarma sa ganon. Kaya gumawa ako ng photoshoot with Take The Test para naman magkaroon pa ng dagdag kaalaman ang mga tao tungkol sa HIV/AIDS. OO, hindi lang bakla ang pwedeng makakuha nito. Kahit na sino pwede. Wala siyang pinipili. Kaya kung ako sa iyo aalamin ko na status ko. Ako man, kahit ilang beses na nagpatest, kinakabahan pa din kada resulta. Kahit na alam kong protektado ako lagi may kaba talaga. Pero mas maige na na alam mo na ngayon kaysa naman malapit ka na mamatay saka mo lang nalaman. Kaya ano pahinihintay mo puntahan ang link na ito para malaman kung saan pwedeng magpatest. Libre ang education kaya wag mo ipagkait sa sarili mo. Libre din ang testing kaya wag ka na umarte.

Know your status. Take the Test! NOW NA!

Love letters and idealisms by Noel Abelardo

OPEN PHOTOSHOOT: Yoga For Life

Dearest Family and Friends,

Yoga for Life is the non-profit organization that a friend and I started in June 2010 to provide yoga and meditation sessions to people who are affected by HIV and AIDS. The are 7 new HIV infections in the Philippines every day, mostly among young people. We have more that 300 members so far, a mix of people who are infected and those who are not, but choose to support and advocate against the further spread of HIV through education, awareness and addressing stigma and discrimination. We recently conducted an independent evaluation of our program and learned how the Yoga for Life community has become a crucial refuge and support group for many people. Many also attested to experiencing deeper inner peace and happiness through yoga

We currently provide 3 yoga classes every week in Ortigas, Makati and Quezon City. Classes are for free and are taught by the best yoga teachers in Manila who support and volunteer their time. We ask for a donation of P200/class. Everyone is welcome, whatever your HIV status, we don't ask because it doesn't matter.

To support our yoga classes and HIV awareness campaigns, we are conducting an important fundraising event. We are holding a PHOTO SHOOT with photographer Noel Abelardo on October 22 and 29. For a donation of P1000, you can get 2 professionally-shot and edited photos, a special t-shirt, and be part of a broader HIV campaign for World AIDS Day in December. For the first 50 registrants, they also get the chance to win a 3-hour PRIVATE photo shoot with Noel and can do it alone or with others.

It's for a really good cause! We hope that you can support! For those who can't physically attend the photo shoot but still want to contribute, we happily accept donations as well. Please visit www.yogaforlife.ph for details on how to participate and/or donate (we can issue official receipts).

Please resend to your friends and family! We would greatly appreciate it! See you there!

Charmaine Cu-Unjieng, co-founder Yoga For Life

Love letters and idealisms by Noel Abelardo

Attack of the Mush:It May Be Easier

In the sea of people around me, I sit here pondering the eternal question, “why the F am I still alone?” And yet, as I look around, I can’t help but wonder if they’re happy too? Or are they just riding the waves of life praying that it wouldn’t be as hard. Are they pretending to be content on the one person sitting beside them? Every smile, every laughter, every kiss, every look in their eyes tell me that they are. And yet, I still consider them lucky—well, luckier than me at least.

Most people depend not on food, water, oxygen, or even faith to survive but on love. What if you shape your life around it? When you mold your stories to understand its complexities. When you surround yourself to depend on it. When you succumb to its immense power. When nothing but love gives you the energy and will to keep moving on life’s difficulties. What happens when you lose it? Love is much like dying. Only difference is dying has an end, while losing love can seemingly go on forever.

People chose to be alone because it’s easier. It’s easier to be alone than to depend on someone, build your life with someone, care and love someone only to wake up one morning and realize, as hard it was for you to find and hold on to it (love), it is gone. But I’d rather much be in love than be alone. I’d rather have the quarrels, the shouting, the paranoia, the endless worrying and the endless caring, unbelievable moments of sweetness, the feeling of someone needing and wanting you more than you could imagine. I would rather have that than walk into an empty house, travel on countries, walk stretches of beaches, and sit on a packed café or bar amidst families, lovers, and friends alone. I’d rather make love with a partner than have meaningless sex with a stranger.

And yes it may be easier to be alone…

But you’d be crazy to want it.

Love letters and idealisms by Noel Abelardo

Attack of the Mush: Sa Lungot at Pangarap

May lungkot na mararanasan mo na parang hindi mo kakayanin. Parang mahirap huminga. Parang nakakatakot. Parang masakit. Para kang mawawala sa sarili. At may lungkot na, malungkot ka dahil hindi mo matanggap na nagiisa ka sa panahon ng buhay mo na akala mo kaya mo ng hindi.

Minsan iniisip mo kung baket? Nagtatanong ka sa mundo kung may pagugukulang ka ba. Pero ang sagot sa tanong mo’y mailap. Hindi lang talaga para sa iyo. Marahil hindi mo pa nahahanap. Maari din namang nahanap mo na pero pinakawalan mo. O, pwede din namang mas maige na magisa ka kaysa masaktan ka lang. Handa naman akong masaktang muli. Pero yun ay kung mamahalin din ako ng tunay. Saan nga ba mahahanap ang tunay na kaligayahan? Sa ibang tao ba? Sa mga bagay na nais mong makamtan? Sa tagumpay na iyong inaasam? Sa pera? Sa Diyos? Sa pagtanggap sa iyong saraling hanggang ganito na lang ang buhay mo? Maraming pwedeng pagmulan ang ligaya. Maraming paraan na ikaw ay pwedeng sumaya. Pero mas madalas ang may mga pagkakataon na kahit ang pagtanggap sa mga bagay bagay ay hindi sapat. Kagaya ng magmahal ka sa isang tao na hindi kailan man kaya kang mahalin.

Sa buhay may lungkot na sana hindi mo na lang naramdaman. Tulad ng pagmahal mo sa isang taong malayo. O sa taong mahalin mo na may iba ng mahal. O kahit ang pagmamahal sa isang taong hindi nya alam na mahal mo siya at duwag ka na sabihin ang tunay mong nararamdaman sa pagaakalang mawawala siya sa iyo.

May lungkot na nakaka-baliw. Minsan yun ang nararamdaman ko. Minsan nagiisip akong hindi na lang ito ang ganitong buhay na pinili ko. Sana iba na lang. Sana normal. Sana masaya. Sana totoo.

Puro sana.

Puro pangarap.

Puro kabiguan lang.

Sa buhay ng tao may lungkot na mararanasan. Ang tanog: kaya mo ba itong labanan?

Love letters and idealisms by Noel Abelardo

Attack of the Mush: Tuldok

Hindi sa lahat ng pagkakataon kayang mong maghintay sa taong inakala mong iba sa lahat ng iyong nakilala. May mga panahon na nauubos din ang pasensha mo sa pagaakalang matutupad ang mga pangako niya. Sabi nga ni Bob Ong, ““Hiwalayan na kung di ka na masaya. Walang gamot sa tanga kundi pagkukusa.” Madaling sabihin di ba? Lalo na kung hindi naman ikaw ang nasa sitwasyon. Pero tama, isang malaking katangahan ang pananatili sa isang relasyon na isinulat lang sa tubig. Malungkot di ba? Pero di ba’t mas malungkot ang manatili pa sa isang relasyon na wala naman kasiguraduhan. Mas malungkot mag celebrate ng monthsary mag-isa --- na tanging ikaw lang ang nakakaalala. Ikaw lang ang umaasa. Ikaw lang ang bumabati. Ikaw lang sumuslat. Habang siya, hindi mo alam kung buhay pa.

Hindi ba’t lahat naman tayo nangarap na maging masaya araw-araw? Na ang bawat mulat ng mata mo sa umaga kasabay din ng ngiti ng iyong labi dahil may isang taong sa iyo nagpaligaya. Pero mahirap hanapin ang tunay na ligaya sa isang tao. Hindi lahat ng makikilala mo makakasundo mo din at di lang yun, yung mamahalin ka din kagaya ng pagmamahal mo din sa kanya. Naka ilang relasyon ka na ba? Ilan na ang mga taong nagsabing iniibig ka nila? Pero di ba ngayon magisa ka pa din? Minsan di mo mapigil ang sarili mong mag tanong kung ikaw ba ang may kasalanan ng paghihiwalay nyo. Pilit mong inuulit-ulit sa utak mo king may dapat ka bang ginawa para hindi iyon magtapos. Tapos, pag lubog na ang mata mo, puti na ang buhok, namayat na sa kakaisip, at muntik ng mabaliw sa kakatanong, wala ka pa ding mahanap na matinong sagot. Ang saya di ba? Ikaw na ang nagmahal pero ikaw pa din ang nahihirapan.

Hindi maganadang isipin na malas ka sa pagibig. Sabi nga ng matatanda, wag daw ito hingin at baka lalong hindi ibigay. Pero kung tutuusin, wala ka naman talagang choice kung hindi ang magantay lang. Ke-umasa ka o hindi, magaantay ka lang. Tapos kung saka-sakaling dumating nga, paano mo masasabing siya na ang panghabang buhay. Hindi ba’t wala naman din talagang kasiguraduhan sa buhay. Kung yung mga magasawa nga ng sampung taon naghihiwalay din, ano pa ba ang laban ng apat na buwan.

Marapat na bigyan mo din ang sarili mo ng pagkakataong lumigaya. Kahit pa sa piling ito ng iba. Magbakasakali sa taong pwede ka ding mahalin. Yung taong magsasabi sa iyo na hindi ka nya sasaktan, ke-totoo o hindi, ang importante sinabi. Binigyan ka ng kahit onting kasiguraduhan. Onting pagasa na sa bilyong-bilyong tao sa mundo, may isang pwede kang ipaglaban.

Gusto ko ding sumaya, hindi naman masama yun di ba?

Love letters and idealisms by Noel Abelardo

Attack of the Mush: Walking

It has been more than a week since I last received a message from him and to think that in four days it will supposedly be our 2^nd month. I had a dream about him last night. A dream that woke me up in the verge of tears. I felt sad. Sad that after all these years of finally being together it all crumbled in the span of weeks. He told me that he’s in a major rabbit hole and he couldn’t find his way back. At that point, I wanted to give up and say my goodbye but I didn’t have the heart or the courage to do it. I’m a hopeless-romantic that way, or for a lack of better word, a coward. I loved him and maybe I still do. I just don’t know at this point.

I’ve asked some of his friends for his number but they seem to be ignoring all my messages too. S*cks really! I’ve been thinking about him the whole day, viewing his FB from time to time and checking my email every so often hoping that he’d have some explanation for his coldness and disappearance.

I hate this feeling. Left hanging. Like I didn’t have a choice.

Chasing pavements was never my thing but here I am still walking.

Love letters and idealisms by Noel Abelardo

Attack of the Mush: I am Noel and I'm in Love (Finally)

It's not everyday you meet someone who could somehow, out of no where just change your world. It's true what they say that "love comes when you least expect it."

What started out as a friendly exchange of comments on Facebook turned out to be more than what I bargained for. I've known him for about 4 years now. He was a friend of a friend. But even then we had very few interactions. I was too busy being in love with my ex (his friend) then that I failed to notice people around me. For those of you who know me, you know that I'm not exactly mind over heart. More often that not, I get so in love that I forget to even think. I am after all, still a hopeless romantic to the core. But then a few weeks earlier I started to notice he'd comment on my pictures and statuses more often than usual and so I thought, hey here's a chance to be a little flirty. He was after all, cute.

I sent him a message telling him to SMS me. He told me that they don't usually SMS there. I joked. Asking which planet he came from where SMS is not a staple serving of everyday life. I guess it was only here in the Philippines (being the "text capital" of the world) that we SMS more than we sleep or eat --- combined. He told me he was in Japan. I forgot he had been there for the longest time although I really didn't know why. He later on told me that he's been there for 3 years because he's trying to get a resident visa. To date, I still don't get why people wanting to live elsewhere has to stay in that country for exactly 5 years. Why not 3 or better yet 2 years? Is 5 years the minimum test whether or not that country drove you insane and you'd want to go back? For me, it's shorter. Wayyyyy shorter! Anyway, a few more messages after, we crossed the flirting-to-actual-attraction line. I was beginning to understand how sweet and how intelligent this person was. Two qualities I give very high regard.Days passed and emails/FB messages just simply didn't do us justice anymore. We had to Skype. Video calling and all that jazz. I remember seeing him on video for the first time and having this "kilig"moment and instantly I knew I'm into a heap of trouble.

When I appeared on DZMM Teleradyo he was among a few of my friends who watched / listened in to my guesting. I was there to promote SOLACE. My open photoshoot for the benefit of my friend who's undergoing a battle with Breast Cancer. If you want to know more about this project and how you could help, please click on this link. He stayed up late just to listen in and the whole time sending mr words of encouragement and sweet reminders. "That's it!," I told myself. "I'm hooked!". Nevertheless, I knew he wad in Japan and it would take another 2 years for him to go back to the Philippines and so I figured I wanted to keep it light and casual. Or so I thought. A few more days later he popped the question. Not THE question but a question. He said he wanted to pursue whatever it is he was feeling for me and I... I was a bit hesitant. I've never been into a long distance relationship and this just scared the bejesus out of me. I really didn't know how or if it'll work. I was walking blindly on a very unknown path. I guess the reason why I succumb to it was because I've tried to be in more treacherous territory than LDCs. I figured if this person makes me really happy why should I even stop and think about it. Heck, I was happy and this person was the sole reason. And since I believe that everything happens for a reason, I believed this too might work. But I also knew it would take more than love for us to actually get through this. 2 years of waiting is a very long time especially if you're in love.

Last night, I fell asleep while on Skype with him and I woke up dazed when he told me I snore.He took a picture and wrote something that made my heart melt like butter.

I was beautiful even when I snore.

And to you here's my reply...

I will love you more everyday when we're apart and even more when we're finally together. I'm no Pablo Neruda but there's only one meaning on every "I love you" uttered by anyone in the planet no matter how near or far. And that holds true for me too.



His name is Chris and I love him...


Love letters and idealisms by Noel Abelardo